Ever got to that point as a parent of a child with a disability where you just feel like you cannot go on another minute without a break of some sort?
Your energy is spent.
You can barely put one foot in front of the other, let alone hold a conversation.
Every time you think of a nappy change, a PEG feed, medication giving, dressing/undressing, lifting, you just feel sick in your stomach.
That is how I have felt today.
Like I just cannot physically move any more.
Like I just can't watch another seizure.
Like I just can't try for the millionth time to understand what Ryley wants.
Like I just can't help him understand why he isn't staying at school today.
Like I just can't look into those beautiful eyes again without feeling like the worst mother in the world.
I have to keep going though.
And I will find the energy to play with the playdough, or draw, or go on the trampoline.
And I will tell Ryley that tomorrow, he can go to school on the bus.
And I will comfort him again after his twenty hundredth seizure.
And I will look into those beautiful eyes and plead with him to forgive me for not being much fun today, and that tomorrow is a new day filled with promise and hope.
And I will tell him that I love him.