May your soul return to Knowing

That Love is all you need.

Send fear away and choose to be

One with God, for then, you will see.

Your shining light,

And Our Love.

May your spirit live on in peace.

Please just Believe.

Missing you every day.

Your biggest sister Anna, your brother in law David

And Uncle Jaypeg’s nephews,

Ryley and Braeden.

Never far from our thoughts, always in our hearts.

Today.

Jacob, Me, Petra and Bede

This is a photo taken of a photo, so forgive the poor quality. But it is the last ever photo taken of me and my siblings. Who knew it would be the last?

Today I just feel empty inside. I feel nothing.
I am trying to fill my heart with love so that I can keep going, but it is hard.
For the first time, I don't feel Jacob around me.

I keep seeing the photos that my Mum puts up on Facebook and I just want to silently scream,
"Jacob come back".
There is comfort in knowing where he is right now (well, sort of), but the day to day reality is difficult to get through.

I forced myself today to take Braeden to school.
To go out in public and be near people.
I think that is the hardest thing for me.
I want to just sit in silence on my own.
I have never wanted to be more on my own than now.
But that isn't healthy I guess.

Today I will put one foot in front of the other.
I will breathe.
I will appreciate and be grateful for the time I got to spend with Jacob.

He wrote to me earlier in the year telling me how much he was enjoying my blog posts this year.
Sadly, they were few and far between.
He kept urging me to write more and put up more photos.
(He also encouraged my Mum to write about her own Mother and family history).

It is time to write again.
For writing is what I do best.

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

I don't even know how to write this blog post.
I guess I should start by thanking everyone for the messages of support my family and I have received in the past few weeks.
For those not on Facebook who might not have seen my post on Friday, it read like this:

My brother Jacob entered eternal life yesterday and is back home with God. He is now at peace. Thank you to everyone for your prayers, messages and support through this very difficult time. I carry your heart (I carry you in my heart). Things will be never be the same.

Jacob, my brother, passed away after a short illness on Thursday 9th of May 2013.
He was 31 years old.

Even as I write that I still don't believe it.
How can he be gone?
I only spoke with him on the phone the day after he went into hospital and as usual, he wondered why I was ringing him when he was only going to be in hospital briefly. In fact, he told me, he was planning to go home and then just come back in on Monday to have the tests done.
I will always be grateful for that telephone call I made, for it was the last time I ever would use the phone to talk to him again.

I feel this emptiness inside me at the moment as I somehow move through the days.
Yet the thing is, I keep hearing his voice.

Bacon Bones.
That was what I used to call him.
I often started emails to him like that. Or I called him Yakov.
Even as I write this I can hear his voice saying "An.Na."
I guess I better make sure I write good stuff about him hey?

Jacob was a tall, strong man. And when he was a kid...well...let's just say our fights would often involve the testing of ones strength. Usually on either side of a bedroom door!
He was always strong.
Sometimes he would forget that.

Jacob was a father.
I will never forget when he sent through the ultrasound photo of  'peanut'. He was so excited about becoming a father. He loved his daughter with every inch of his being. She will always know how much he loves her.

I want to write so much more.
But I can't.

Maybe tomorrow. But not today.
It hurts.
It hurts that he grew weary.
It hurts to see my family in so much pain.
It hurts that he isn't here in the physical sense any more.

I believe in LOVE.
I believe in GOD.
I believe in HEAVEN.

I can only hope that Jacob can see how LOVED he is and will always be.

How do I walk through this world now?

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart).

The power of prayer

My brother Jacob is right now in an Intensive Care Unit in Latvia fighting for his life. Without details, for now, he is in a critical condition.
This is his journey and I believe he will come through this.
But please, if you believe in the power of pray, I ask that you pray for him right now.
If you believe in positive thoughts, I ask that you send them.
If you believe in the healing light and energy, I ask that you send it.

And now these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love, and the greatest of these is Love.

Temporarily having a break-back soon

http://pinterest.com/pin/411868328391991297

Give that they may Grow

As you know, I write a post every year, urging people to give what they can to a cause close to my heart.
We thankfully don't spend as much time down at the RCH as we used to, but we are forever grateful to the wonderful staff who take care of the kids everyday.

Even $1 can make all the difference!

For me, Good Friday is usually spent eating hot cross buns, fish and chips for lunch and a day of watching the appeal on TV.
This year we will be at the farm, so no TV. But the rest of the tradition will remain.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter break.
Stay safe.

Just a little quotey thing

Source: facebook.com viaAmanda on Pinterest

That awkward moment when...

Your child runs away from you after school and hides.
Come on.
Nod your head like it has happened to you.

Sigh.

Braeden and one of his friends decided to run off from myself and the other mum tonight.
Actually, from Braeden's account, it was his idea to run off because he wasn't ready to go home.

After what had become a slightly frantic search, the boys appeared from over near the church.
My heart started beating again after that.

He is showing me how strong he is here. Not about to throw it at me...

Doin' our bit for Clean Up Australia

Today we decided to do our bit for Clean Up Australia and head up to Lake Esmond. The kids had a great time and we managed to collect quite a bit of rubbish!
It is a shame that we even have to dedicate a day to cleaning up our environment. It shouldn't be left with rubbish everywhere in the first place!

THEY WON!!!

I want to take a moment to express my absolute gratitude for all of my friends and family who have voted, shared and joined the Vote 4 Elliott group on Facebook.
This whole experience has been amazing.
This is life changing for Liv and Elliott.
I think that every person who has been part of this has taken something really special away with them.
Helping each other, even perfect strangers is not hard.
It can be as simple as the click of a button on the computer.
It can be as simple as a smile.
It is as simple as love.

There is more to come for Liv and Elliott, of that I am sure.

And I believe, that for everyone who has been a part of this, there is something inside of them that has changed.