Monday, May 14, 2012

Never say Never



This god awful photo of me was taken just after I finished my 4km run for breast cancer.
The main thing is, I finished it!
Excuse the slightly frowning look as I am trying hard to breath.

For those that suffer from anxiety (like me), it is sometimes really difficult to do things that challenge you.
Hell, it is sometimes even hard to do things that aren't a challenge normally.
Part of the reason I really wanted to do this run, was to prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to.
But geez, I almost didn't get there.

The thing about anxiety is that once the physical symptoms start, you mind starts working overtime trying to figure out whether you are going to 'fight' or 'fly', otherwise known as Fight or Flight Response.
This is where it gets hard.

I was absolutely fine until I woke up at 6am on Sunday morning and started feeling anxious.
That was ok, I am used to that.
My boys gave me some beautiful things for Mother's Day and I spent time just cuddling before it was breakfast time.

In no time at all it was 5 minutes before we had to leave and I suddenly felt sick.
My stomach started cramping and this sudden rush of fear pulsated through my body.
I started crying and I said to David : I can't do this.
He just said: Yes you can.

And that is the thing, I took a few deep breaths, and started to change my pattern of thinking.
Every time I felt a negative thought come in, I breathed and told myself I could do it.

When we got there, I was back to feeling the nervous energy again, but this time I felt ok.
As soon as I started the run I felt this rush of adrenaline, only this time it was a flood of endorphins.
I actually ran one of my best times ever for that distance and when I got closer to the end all I could see was David, Ryley and Braeden waving and waiting for me.
Which meant I sped up of course.

I can't tell you how it feels to have accomplished that.
Anxiety is something I live with every day, and while it doesn't affect me much in my day to day stuff, I still have times when it rears it's ugly head and threatens to knock me over.

Why am I sharing all of this?
Because I Never Say Never.
I figure if Ryley can walk when everyone said he couldn't, then I can run a charity race.
I need to be strong for my kids and my husband.
I need to be able to lift my 25kg kid when he can't walk any more.
I need to show my 4 year old that anything is possible.


(and PS. I am going to start training next week for a 10km run. Watch this space.)





8 comments:

  1. Well done Anna. I am very impressed

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  2. Anna, the fact that you pushed yourself to achieve this is outstanding. I would have definately gone into shut down. I have noticed that as I'm getting older I'm getting more and more anxious about so much - and I definately take the 'flight' alternative. I think you're very strong to mentally steer yourself through challenges like this. Wish I had your guts!
    Marcelle.

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    Replies
    1. Marcelle, trust me, if it was this time last year, I would haven't have even done it to begin with! And even if I did, I would have chosen the flight alternative too. I have to say it is way harder to do in real life. But I really want to try and challenge myself this year a bit so I can always be on top of my anxiety. I think unless you have suffered from anxiety, it is hard to understand.
      PS. Sometimes it doesn't take guts, just temporary madness agreeing to do something, then stubborness to see it though!

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  3. Anna, when confronted with the choice of fight or flight, I would choose 10 mg of valium. The picture is just fine, the distance is great, the cause superior...I would have dropped after about 1 mile walking...ah, to be somewhat young again!

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    Replies
    1. See the valium would be my first option really. Then it wouldn't really matter what happened!!!

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  4. Congrats!! You are amazing and an inspiration!!

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