Friday, May 20, 2011

I am not quite sure how to title this post.
Today, I kept Ryley home from school.
He has seemed really tired and lethargic all week, and he seems to have a really heavy cold.
So.
I just thought he needed a mental health day.
He was pretty pleased to stay home too.
And he has cheered up enormously.

Braeden has also been out of sorts this week and I had to pick him up from daycare early yesterday. He made a miraculous recovery too once he was home.
(Maybe we all need a holiday..Barossa is where I am thinking!)

Anyway.
None of that information is really relevant to what I want to post about.
Ryley and I were sitting out the front in the sunshine waiting for David to come home this arvo when the kids next door started sitting outside.
Nothing unusual there.
They say 'hey' to Ryles and continued on hanging out.
Ryley watched them for a bit then came back and sat down with me.
What I saw in his eyes nearly broke my heart.
So badly, did he want to jump that fence and hang out too.
But instead.
He had to hang out with his Mum.

It got me thinking.
Ryley is a really social kid. He loves people.
Even today when my friend came over with her kids and they were all playing together, Ryley wasn't able to actually join in. He was part of it, no one left him out, but he was really just sitting there as an observer.
He did eventually just come and sit with me on the swing. Partly maybe because he loves the swing. Partly also because he just can't play those imaginative play games.

Ryley can't talk, so he can't initiate a conversation.
Most kids kind of just accept him and neither spend time involving him, nor do they purposely ignore him.
But I do honestly think he feels left out sometimes.
As kids get older they just don't seem to bother with him.
But the thing is, he is 9 years old. He has been around a long time. Hanging out with his Mum is not exactly the best thing in the world is it?

It must be so hard not being able to talk.
Wanting to speak, to play, to join in.
He is happy sometimes to just sit and watch the other kids running around.
But this afternoon, I just felt his sadness.
Braeden will only include him for a bit longer. He is already starting to tell Ryley to go away.
So what next?
How on earth do I solve this one?? Can I solve it? Or am I just overthinking as usual??


 


4 comments:

  1. Oh, gosh, that has got to be so heartbreaking. I worry, too, sometimes - I mean, Samantha's only 5, but as she gets older that gap is going to widen as her friends start to seek out activities that she won't necessarily be able to join them in, or activities that they won't necessarily want her to join them in.

    Sweet Ryley - hugs to you both...

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  2. You're not overthinking it. I know our situations are very different, but my mother's illness took away her ability to speak, to interact and to move independantly (or at all, finally). And it was heartbreaking as I watched people simply stop remembering to include her.

    The lack of ability to speak - when it's all there and wants to be said and expressed- I can think of nothing worse.
    Acknowledge it - is all I can say. I don't know enough about Ryley's condition, so may be giving you terrible advice. But in my case, I was as up front as I could be with her, that I could see her pain, that I was so sorry for her sadness. And that all I could really control were MY actions towards her. And that I could make sure I aways, always found a way to let her interact as much as humanly possible.

    I'm sorry. This has to be so much worse when it's your precious child. I hope this isn't offensive or assvice. My apologies in advance if it's out of line.

    xxxx

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  3. My heart is breaking for my precious Ryley. And for you.....

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  4. Thanks Becca :)
    Melissa- Thank you for your advice. You are right in that I can only control my actions and then perhaps lead by example. I think because I am so emotionally involved, it makes it harder. I just wish I could make it all easier for him. All kids go through that social learning where they have to negotiate their way. But it is so much harder for Ryley.
    Despite his own frustrations and sadness, there is a part of him, I am sure, that just accepts he can only communicate in a certain way. I often think it is ME that needs to accept it to!
    Mum-Thanks.

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