Jacob, Me, Petra and Bede

This is a photo taken of a photo, so forgive the poor quality. But it is the last ever photo taken of me and my siblings. Who knew it would be the last?

Today I just feel empty inside. I feel nothing.
I am trying to fill my heart with love so that I can keep going, but it is hard.
For the first time, I don't feel Jacob around me.

I keep seeing the photos that my Mum puts up on Facebook and I just want to silently scream,
"Jacob come back".
There is comfort in knowing where he is right now (well, sort of), but the day to day reality is difficult to get through.

I forced myself today to take Braeden to school.
To go out in public and be near people.
I think that is the hardest thing for me.
I want to just sit in silence on my own.
I have never wanted to be more on my own than now.
But that isn't healthy I guess.

Today I will put one foot in front of the other.
I will breathe.
I will appreciate and be grateful for the time I got to spend with Jacob.

He wrote to me earlier in the year telling me how much he was enjoying my blog posts this year.
Sadly, they were few and far between.
He kept urging me to write more and put up more photos.
(He also encouraged my Mum to write about her own Mother and family history).

It is time to write again.
For writing is what I do best.


  1. It's been awhile...but you need to know that Alone is ok; it's not a bad or frightening place to be because you are with the best person a way joining with others Alone. Warm greeting to all....

  2. You are an amazing writer. Sending you love everyday!


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