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Showing posts from August, 2013

An unwelcome reminder

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Tears fall from my face often these days.
Out of the blue they appear, drifting slowly down my face.
Most times I let them fall.
Sometimes, I blink quickly to force them away.

I am still here, writing, praying, coping-barely.
Ryley has been sick this week and it has rocked me to the core.
I didn't expect such a strong reaction, especially as this is something we have faced many times in the past 12 years.
It was the words "I have checked for internal bleeding and I can't seem to find any, that doesn't mean there isn't any, just that I can't see it. If he keeps coughing up blood, present at the emergency department and ask them to page me" that instantly made me want to throw up.
My brother bled internally in the final days of his time on earth.
In that moment when I heard those words from Ryley's paediatrician, a shiver went down my spine. I hardly heard the words the doctor spoke after that. It was like I was frozen in time.

It is only fear. I tell m…